Archive for the ‘Speaking’ Category

If Words Were Bullets Then I Really Shot The Audience.

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

Most people if they were asked to speak in public, turn into shriveling wrecks, not because they can’t speak but because of the self-inflicted fear that grows within your own mind at the thought of standing in front of strangers. This is one of the activities that forces many people out of their comfort zone and into the zone of change and probably dread.

It’s one of the earliest skills we learn, ‘to speak’ yet as we grow up it becomes more and more frightening. I recall one of my earliest experiences of public speaking at a conference in the early nineties. I had organized the whole event and there were some spectacular surprises for the Sales Teams and so it made sense when they asked me to stand up and introduce the next section. I was fine until I stood up on stage and looked out at darkness. I couldn’t see a face and I felt like my mind went into meltdown.

My knees shook, my voice dried up and the words came out of my mouth like a robotic machine gun. If words were bullets then I really shot the audience.

But public speaking is all about technique and learned behaviours. I took time to learn how to do it and I surrounded myself with speakers that inspired me. Now as the Treasurer of the North East Professional Speakers Association, I learn something new at every meeting.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned:

1. Know your subject

Whatever subject or theme you intend talking about, it’s essential to know what you want to say to your audience. Pick three points that you want to get across and no more.

2. Practice, practice, and then practice again

There is nothing like recording your speech and listening back, over and over again. Then push yourself outside of that comfort zone and ask some friends you trust to listen to you. You may want to record it and let them listen but get an honest opinion.

3.  Pace Yourself

We have a tendency to speak faster when we are nervous. We speak at around 150 words a minute but if we slow that down to around 120 or even 100 to allow the audience thing time and pauses. Slow your speech down and take your time. Apart from anything else, speaking quickly will make you feel uncomfortable and your audience will find it difficult to process the information you are giving if you speed through it.

4. Look for faces that relax you

Friendly and relaxed, smiling faces in your audience help you to feel more at ease. Overt your eyes from the severe, arms folded onlooker (you always get one) Looking more so at the people that help you to feel safer and on your side.

5. Drink plenty of water the day before

People often think it’s nerves making their mouth dry up on the day but it’s far more important, the day before. If your body is hydrated, your voice will be too, so give it what it needs, plenty of water and no alcohol. But just in case your mouth dries up, have some water available.  It’s still good to have water on the day and keep some around you but be careful of the phantom requirement to go to the toilet. That’s just nerves and probably a hang over from childhood when your parents made you go to the loo before a long journey. Pausing to drink water can help to set a nice relaxed pace, many comedians do it, so learn from the masters.

6.  Memorise and Use Key Words

Reading from a prepared speech may seem to be a useful way of preventing a blank mind but from my experience it can cause chaos. A few key words or pictures to gently prompt your Brian are far more successful. And will help you to feel more in control and make it more interesting for your audience

7. Technology Tragedy

If you are going to use a projector and laptop, test it out before hand and make sure you are familiar with how it works. It also helps to practice in the room and with the equipment that you will be using on the day. Always have a Plan B, if technology lets you down, make sure you can deliver without it. It will make your professionalism shine through.

8. Engage The Audience

There is a big difference between engagement and involvement. Involving the audience can be unpredictable unless you area seasoned performer. Think more about involvement, phrases such as: ‘Many of you here today may have experienced xxxx’ rather than ‘Who here today has experienced xxx’. The latter statement could result in no one answering at all and the question falling very flat.

9. Relaxation techniques

You can learn to control your stress by controlling your breathing.

Think about standing on stage and delivering a speech to people you don’t know, and you will probably see, feel and hear the fear rising within you.

Now change your focus and start concentrating on taking deep breaths, right from the bottom of your stomach and as you breathe out push your stomach out and as you breathe in, bring it in again.

Controlling nerves starts with controlling breathing. Practice this breathing exercise each day because it can help you to control any nervous moments you experience and the more you practice in comfortable surroundings, the easier t will be when you are under pressure.

Learn a relaxation technique such as self-hypnosis. Regular use of self-hypnosis helps you feel calmer and it utilises the power of your imagination.

Remember that your audience will want you to succeed. If you look uncomfortable or unprepared then it will make your audience feel your discomfort.

10. Get Better, Get Busier (as Warren Evans once told me)

There are some great opportunities to practice out your speech these days before you stand in front of that all-important audience. If you are in Yorkshire then check out Bettakultcha, or nationally come and join in at the Professional Speaking Association. Every month we have a 15 minute slot for a fellow speaker to check out their new speech. We love new talks and you have a ready audience, go on scare your self a bit, it makes you feel alive! Check out the next dates here, we would love to welcome you.

Have Fun

Angela

for more information contact us at

info@angelawhitlock.com

Tags: emotional intelligence, Professional Speaking, Public Speaking, Stress
Posted in Angela Whitlock, Blog, Speaking, Stress | No Comments »

How many of us have the hidden anxiety of ‘I’ll get found out’.

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

As well as a speaker, I’m a Clinical Hypnotherapist and EMDR practitioner and recently I did a talk on ‘I’ll get found out’. This is a syndrome that hits many of us in our working lives, it evens attacks the rich and famous. I first heard Billy Connolly say it many years ago when he described his work as “just having a chat with people on stage” and a fear that people would realise that actually that was all he did and one day he might get found out.

I’ve always been fascinated with this self-belief and the talk I gave was triggered by working with a fellow therapist, who had studied all her life. She had in fact achieved Three Degrees, not the pop group that sang in the seventies but three full on academic degrees and still felt she didn’t know enough for her audience and would get found out. She even cancelled a meeting with friends in case they challenged her.

When I explored this it all linked back to a childhood event, when her opinion was deemed irrelevant; how many of us have that link? My hand is up already! I was shouted at by an English teacher for an incorrect spelling and now I’m a brilliant proof reader but does that come from ‘fear of being found out’? By the way don’t pick on any mistakes in this piece of text because it might re-traumatise me!

I could see in the audience when I delivered the talk, how many people related to this but generally it’s an unspoken thought, which leads to a feeling and then the action we take is often manifested in nerves or stress before an event.

But who can judge whether we know enough? What really matters is that we are experts in what we believe in and sure enough there will always be someone that thinks or actually does know more than us but we are talented enough to get back on the subject of what we do know.

I recently wrote a book called ‘Walk On The Grass’ and the biggest hurdle I had to overcome was the potential criticism from all the Psychology Academics out there who might tear it to pieces but I  realised that most of them have the same underlying fear, that they’ll get found out too.

Amazing don’t you think, we are always on the lookout for someone who knows more than us and sure enough sooner or later we’ll find them. But here I suggest instead of feeling intimated, harness that knowledge and learn from them and add it to your own repertoire. Rest assured I did get rid of my colleagues self belief and the seeding event that caused her obsession for undertaking any more degree’s. She now thinks getting found out will be a fun challenge, bring it on.

Posted in EMDR, Fears and Phobias, Speaking, Stress | No Comments »