Archive for the ‘Changing Behaviours’ Category

Habits Change; So Can You

You Need to Know Your Habits if You’re Going to Break Them

Last week I had a call from a friend I hadn’t seen for almost a year. She lives nearby but our lives had been so busy that we hadn’t had chance to meet up. It was so lovely to hear from her that I invited her over at the weekend.

“I can’t do Sunday because that’s when I do the big supermarket shop and clean the house,” she said. “If I don’t get those jobs done on a Sunday the week ahead is chaos!”

Many of us have similar routines and we stick to them because it’s what we do, it’s like a script that an actor has to learn. Once we learn it, that’s what we do and continue to avoid the discomfort associated with changing it. In fact, you’re probably wondering why there’s any need to change your habits at all when they appear to make life easier.

Rethinking mundane routines may seem trivial but the reality is that the more we hold onto old ideas and old ways of doing things the more they creep in and the harder it becomes to break down the barriers and  creating new solutions in all areas of our lives.

The New Year often starts off with many of us thinking about breaking habits and doing things differently but although we might think we know what needs to change in our lives to makes us happier or healthier there will be activities we do regularly that we’re not necessarily aware of.

Habits aren’t just vices we’d like to break like a desire to smoke or eat chocolate, they are patterns in our lives that have become so familiar and comfortable that we’re afraid to break them.

To become aware of your habits start by examining your daily and weekly routine. Do you go to the supermarket every Saturday morning and do you always go to the same one? Do you always visit the same restaurant? Do you do certain tasks on the same day each week? It’s only when you really take an honest look at your daily routine that you see how many patterns emerge that are hindering you, your time and your energy.

A simple change of habit such as shopping at a different supermarket can make you really become consciously aware of what you buy and will expose you to different types of products that break the monotony of the same old stuff.

For more ideas on how to break your own self-imposed rules to inspire creativity and make change positive, download a free chapter of my book Walk on the Grass or try my six step online personal change programme.

Tags: change
Posted in Angela Whitlock, Blog, Changing Behaviours, Self Awareness | Comments Off

Giving Up Self Sabotage

Understand What Is Sabotaging You

If you’re not in the coaching or personal development industry you probably haven’t heard the term, Secondary Gains but it’s an important aspect of many of our lives and can cause major causes of failure.

Often when people make the decision that they are ready to change some aspect of their life, albeit giving up smoking, becoming more confident or losing weight, they have to bear in mind the emotional attachment, that they have to give up as well as the physical one.

Let’s take confidence for example, you’ve decided you want to become more confident so you set about reading books or going to see a Coach to help you improve your confidence. One of the most important aspects to consider is: to make this change, what do you need to give up that you enjoy? This is an essential part of self awareness and emotional intelligence.

Now at this point most people may think of all the bad things so the change feels easy, such as not being able to go out with friends or being scared of trying new things. But underlying those reasons are all the things that you probably secretly enjoy.

For example, when you lack confidence, how many times do people tell you how good you are and that you should be more confident? You see, hidden in all that desire to be more confident, is the necessity to let go of all that attention and praise people give you. Once you become more confident, people stop giving you praise because you don’t really need it, you believe in yourself. The transition though is difficult and that is what we calls secondary gains, it’s the benefit that is hidden away.

I once worked with a young woman who had an unidentified pain for 15 years. After an intense 3 sessions, the pain diminished but as she was leaving, she turned back to me and said “I’m not sure what I’ll do without that pain”. She had realised, that she would no longer get the sympathy and attention that she had become comfortable with.

So if you have tried and failed to change some aspect of your life, consider the emotional attachment and what you need to give up before you even start. Becoming more aware of your secondary gains, may well change the outcome.

Tags: angela whitlock, change, emotional intelligence
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Whose Education Is It?

Education Ownership

‘The only person accountable for your learning Richard is you; both your teachers and I are responsible but not accountable’. Then I explained the difference, ‘Accountability means the buck stops with you, but responsibility means we have a vested interest in seeing you succeed. Your Teachers are responsible for providing you with sufficient opportunities and appropriate content to enable you to pass exams but they can’t sit them exams for you. As a parent I can make sure you go to school and provide a food and shelter for you but I can‘t make you learn, only you can do that. Take accountability for your learning now and you’ll always own it and it will reflect in everything you do in life whether that is in exams or career.’

‘So should I tell you to revise, no because you are accountable for the learning and the more relaxed you are about it the more you learn. If you are under pressure or stressed then the learning will decrease’. He asked me how he could ensure he revised, so I suggested he do what I do in project management, write a plan of what he wanted to achieve.

Later on he was worried and nervous about the exam, so I sat down with him and I took him visually through the exam as if he was sitting it there and then, he sat the SATs exam three times until he was happy with the result in his mind. When he undertook the exams he was confident and relaxed and did the best to his ability.

These simple techniques and a few others are easy to teach kids and they can use them for the rest of their lives in many different situations.

Whitlock-Boyle Ltd run workshops for schools, colleges and universities to address the emotional challenges of ordinary kids not the gifted and behaviorally challenged children but the ones in the middle who don’t appear on the statistics who still need support. We coach on a one to one basis or in groups.

If you would like to download a top 10 tips to exam success register for my newsletter at www.angelawhitlock.com

Posted in Career Coaching For Teens, Changing Behaviours, Parenting Positive Teens, Self Awareness | No Comments »