Archive for the ‘Angela Whitlock’ Category
The True Story Teller – Billy Connolly – Born On A Rainy Day
Wednesday, March 7th, 2012The phone rang:
“Get yourself to Birmingham by 3pm” said the voice
“you have to drop everything and go” she continued
“and pick me up on the way” she finished.
Perhaps an opportunity in a lifetime or perhaps a new years resolution that was finally coming to fruition. It’s not out of the ordinary for my friend to make this type of call, after all she is an artist and they are renowned for their unpredictability. She is still working out how to travel around Scotland on a trike, which was one of her previous ideas for us both.
Born On A Rainy Day
The urgency was because of Billy Connolly who in my opinion is an incredibly creative person, he’s a storyteller, a musician, a singer, actor and many more talents so it was with real excitement I jumped at the chance to meet him.
Billy is launching a series of drawings called ‘Born on a Rainy Day’ which started life on a rainy day in Montreal and the series was launched by the Castle Galleries on the 16th March.
But two weeks before the launch I was finally going to meet the person I had listed on my ‘top 100 things to do before you croak’ list, there was nothing that could stand in the way. What I consider creative and what others consider it to be may well be different but I have a real infinity to story tellers because of the inspiration they have brought for centuries particularly through my Irish heritage. And here I was meeting what I considered one of the greatest story tellers of our time who had now turned his hand to my other passion; Art.
On meeting Billy Connolly I was amazed at his modesty, no big ‘Hollywood ego’ in front of me, just a down to earth human being who had none of the pretention the art world is renowned for. He spoke of his gratefulness to all of us who had bothered to turn up, because he was unsure whether we would or not. After all he said, why should we, but that small group of 40 or so people were there because we wanted to be and to meet an inspirational man who has turned his very creative hand to many things. He captivated us with his many stories and shared with us the saga of a short story he had written, which was about a young boy whose best friend was a puddle and inspired us with his stories of how his drawings had come to life, he considered them his friends.
I was particularly struck by one drawing that was called the ‘Story Teller’ and Billy told me about how the aboriginal story tellers became so animated in their relaying of stories that they would dance around flailing their arms, inspiring the people around them who listened intently. Much the same as we were at that moment in time but minus the dancing and flailing, far more reserved in Birmingham!
I loved all the drawings for their intricacy so get along and see the real thing, I’m sure there are the critics amongst us that will artistically critique each and every pen stroke but think way above that, he may well be wealthy and exotic beyond our dreams but he’s been brave enough to open his heart through art to the world and let you meet his friends.
When he was asked what the meaning was behind his drawings, he said he just didn’t think like that and he just enjoyed doing them and if the viewer sees something he didn’t, then it is a connection that is made with him, to them through art. How honest in such a pretentious world.
Billy Connolly Talks About His First Art… by 5minArts
I would encourage everyone to pick up a pencil and sketch book this month and start your own story telling; you can read why in my next blog.
Drawing a Line Under Damaging Relationships
Tuesday, February 28th, 2012Drawing a Line Under Damaging Relationships
From schooldays to adulthood there will be people in our everyday lives who do their best to hold us back, dampen our enthusiasm and chip away at our self-confidence. It’s usually easy to identify the obvious ones and recognise who these people are but sadly we tolerate them , make excuses for them and as a result we never make the time to eliminate them from our lives.
People who drain us, both mentally and physically, have often been part of our lives for a long time and seem to have the power to hamper our progress both personally and professionally by undermining us and sapping our energy.
Sometimes these Brain Drainers are members of our own family or long term friends and the power they exert over us can be tied up with emotional experiences from the past. Perhaps it’s a controlling sibling or parent who never seems to approve of what you do or is too quick to put you down or cast doubt on your ambitions. It could be a friend who makes your heart sink as soon as you hear their voice at the end of the phone.
So how do we manage these people out of our day to day life? First of all, recognise that you have a choice about which relationships you nurture and which you let go. Even if you feel some sort of duty to the person in question it is unhealthy for you to remain in constant contact and important that you start limiting contact to unavoidable occasions such as family get-togethers.
It’s never easy to make changes to a longstanding relationship and you may encounter overwhelming feelings of guilt or even sadness but that is the normal process of change and sometimes we have to go through that grieving process, when we let go of old friendships. If this happens, remind yourself that it will get better and the person in question never felt guilty about their behaviour towards you. Keep in mind some of the truly supportive people in your life, the ones who are genuinely happy to see you get on.
If the person you have decided to avoid has to be a part of your life at some level, perhaps because they work with you, live nearby or are related to you, use distraction as a way of preventing their negativity influences from dragging you down. As soon as they begin to moan or complain, change the subject and bring up something totally unrelated. Always have a story or something you’ve read in the back of your mind to bring into the conversation. It will take some practise but gradually they will no longer have any control over the way you feel or behave and it will put you firmly back in control. This in itself can be powerful enough to change the relationship without anything specific having to be said.
Whatever the outcome, once you have made a conscious decision to draw a line under relationships that damage your confidence and drain you emotionally, you will begin to notice that the people who used to upset you no longer seem to matter quite as much as they once did.
Remove Your Mask and Watch Your Everyday Relationships Improve
Tuesday, February 21st, 2012Have you ever noticed how a person’s voice on the phone often changes according to who they are speaking to? The tone and language used are likely to differ depending on whether the individual on the other end of the line is a good friend, a colleague or prospective client.
Altering our tone of voice is just one way in which we distinguish between our different roles. It’s an outward sign of an inward shift in behaviour that reflects the way we see ourselves in the various relationships we have with those around us.
When we wear the mask of employer, husband, son, father, friend or colleague we are often behaving how people want us to by hiding a large part of ourselves from the other person in each of those relationships. We have subconsciously created a persona that we believe is the one the other person would like us to be.
To uncover the real you and find out who’s behind your mask, try this activity. Take a sheet of paper and list your various roles in life down the left hand side. Take each one in turn and think about the mask you wear when you adopt that role. For example, perhaps as a daughter, on the outside your parents see a confident person but how do you feel inside? On the inside you could feel nervous with self doubting.
Make two columns and list the ‘inside you’ and the ‘outside you’ and write down a list of words to describe yourself in each of the main roles you play in everyday life. Circle the ones that you think you really want to be.
Completing this exercise will show you where you have conflicts and give you a greater awareness of how you behave in each of your key relationships. If any of these relationships are causing you problems at the moment, being aware of how you alter your true self to accommodate the other person may give you a valuable insight into the root cause of the ongoing difficulty.
What impact do you think removing your mask would have on your relationship with that person, you may find it opens the communications channels and this often improves relationships.
The Walk on the Grass personal change programme has more useful information to help you understand how self awareness can improve relationships.
How Does Improved Work Relationships Affect Performance?
Friday, February 10th, 2012How Does Improved Work Relationships Affect Performance?
Adaptation of an article by Jonathan Lister , Demand Media
Many organisations are desperate to improve performance amongst their teams particularly when under the wings of a transformational project but often it’s the simplest things that make the biggest differences. Employees in organisations work closely together for long hours and when that time is spent in a positive working environment it can make these long hours a pleasure. Employees also benefit from improved working relationships, both in how they approach job tasks and in establishing open lines of communication with one another.
Improving Work Morale
Improving relationships among coworkers helps improve morale for a staff as a whole. When employees are happy at work, they actively engage in tasks and focus less on escapist behaviours — long coffee or smoke breaks, personal Internet browsing, for examples — that can keep workers from finishing tasks on time. A steady increase in active engagement over time can increase employee productivity. Workers completing tasks faster can help reduce costs, increase revenue and potentially improve quality through improved focus for the entire business.
Developing Business Loyalty
Employees who lack close working relationships with colleagues don’t mentally invest in the job or show a great deal of loyalty to the business. This lack of personal investment occurs because employees don’t establish the personal attachments that can come with improved working relationships and friendships. Strengthening working relationships can generate increased loyalty to the business because employees view the company as the link to friendships/work relationships, according to Susan Fowler, a senior consulting partner with The Ken Blanchard Companies. Employees arrive to work every day not just to do a job, but also to connect with colleagues on a personal level.
Asking For Help
Asking a person outside of your immediate team for help can be a sign of weakness that an employee without positive relationships may not want to show. Without adequate help, an unsolved work problem can grow into an issue that affects the delivery of an entire project. Developing effective relationships based on trust and mutual respect can create an atmosphere conducive to teamwork. This climate makes it easier for an employee with a problem to go to different and more appropriate people for help without seeming inadequate or simply bad at their job.
Supporting Employee Development
Encouraging workers to form effective relationships with colleagues can create a supportive network for skill development. Through building close relationships, employees develop trust and are more likely to share techniques and strategies to complete work tasks quickly and efficiently. In this supportive environment, employees aren’t hoarding tricks of the trade in an effort to distinguish themselves or “weed out” fellow workers for greater adoration. The result is a more knowledgeable connected workforce with improved abilities and a wider range of skills which ultimately improves performance..
About the Author
Jonathan Lister has been a freelance writer since 2003. His book publications include “Electric Guitars: An Illustrated History” and “Acoustic Guitars: An Illustrated History,” both of which were written for Quantum Publishing in January 2010. He holds a Bachelor of Arts in English from Shippensburg University and a Master of Fine Arts in writing and poetics from Naropa University.
http://smallbusiness.chron.com/improved-work-relationships-affect-performance-39051.html
How To Improve Your Relationships Using ABC
Wednesday, February 8th, 2012
What would you change about your partner, your teenagers or your boss and why?
How many times have you heard yourself saying or thinking, if only he would do more or she would do that, everything would be ok. You can easily spend precious time and energy complaining about someone in your life you used to enjoy the company of and now they drive you insane but why do people change so much.
What we forget sometimes is that it isn’t just the other person that has changed, you have too and probably stopped communicating. But the quickest way to change someone else’s behaviour is to change your own and do it persistently.
A little exercise I’ve done with a lot of couples and families to get them recognising each others needs and focusing on communication to improve their relationships is the ABC, which stands for: Abandon, Begin and Continue.
This is how you do it: get three different coloured post-it note pads and ask your partner or family to take part;
- A: Each person is asked to write down all the things that you want each other to abandon or stop doing, one point per post-it note. But it has to be within their control. Once you’ve got that out of the way put it in a row on the wall or table.
- B: Next write down all the things you want each other to begin or start doing on a different colour note, perhaps you want them to stop nagging and start relaxing more.
- C: Lastly when you’ve exhausted that, write down all the things that you want them to continue doing because it’s great and you appreciate it, and dig deep you’re looking for real praise here.
The results may surprise you, I did this with a young family – Mum, Dad and son and it came as a shock to Mum and Dad that son just wanted parents to stop ignoring him and acknowledge his opinion.
Once you have everything in front of you, look at what are the quick wins, what could you agree to change first and remember it’s give and take and some negotiation is required here.
What this activity does is gets people talking again because we forget how to communicate logically and let charged emotions just get in the way.
Try it and you’ll see how it works so easily and if you want to continue on your journey of changing behaviours, find more details about our on-line coaching programme here.
Top 5 Tips to Celebrate Valentine’s Day
Tuesday, February 7th, 2012Relationships can be hard going sometimes and occasions like Valentine’s Day can put extra pressure on couples to blow the budget in an attempt to prove their love for one another. This year, with money tight for many people, I’ve come up with some ideas to help lovers avoid the clichés of flowers and chocolates and have fun together instead:
Tip 1. Create a Valentine Promises Jar
Think of 15 things you can promise to do for your partner and write each one on a separate piece of paper. These can be anything you like from running them a bath to cooking dinner or a massage. Fold each piece of paper and place it inside a jar, shoebox or tin. Present them with it on Valentine’s Day and they will have 15 days of treats to look forward to.
Tip 2. Dash, Splash and Crash in the Bar
Forget the expensive presents and instead this year dash off at 12noon to the pub or coffee shop and after a kick off drink take just £10 each and set off in separate directions with the task of splashing the cash on as many relevant presents as you can in 45 minutes within the budget. Meet up again in the bar or coffee shop when your times up and crash out, as it’s time to exchange presents. It’s great fun avoiding each other in the same shops and will really make you consider the value of what you purchase.
Tip 3. Poetry and Prose is the Food of Love
It doesn’t matter how skilled a writer you are, a poem that’s been written by you for your partner will be appreciated and talked about for years however well crafted it is. It can be sensitive and lyrical or something short and witty like a limerick. Whatever you write, make it personal and take time to prepare it.
Tip 4. Picture This
If writing a poem really isn’t your style then get creative and paint a picture or have a special photo of the two of you framed. You could even have the photo turned into a jigsaw – there are lots of companies that offer this service online – and put all the pieces in an envelope to present to that special person in your life on Valentine’s Day.
Tip 5. Bedroom Fun
Laughter can help to chase away stress and encourage intimacy and affection. Fun activities for the bedroom include having a pillow fight or playing bed angels – especially in the cold weather, if you get in bed first then lie on the bed and wave your arms and legs in the shape of an angel, it will take the cold away and your partner will love it. Or even something as simple as taking your dinner up to bed – a big bowl of comfort food and a large glass of your favourite drink – it’s a great way of breaking the rules and spending time together, just the two of you.
How to Improve Relationships at Home and at Work
Thursday, February 2nd, 2012
When successful people are interviewed they often say they couldn’t have done it on their own. Without the support of a teacher/ role model/ parent/ family member or friend they insist they wouldn’t be where they are today.
Yet all too often we feel that our energy is being sapped managing difficult relationships at home and work leaving us with limited resources to forge meaningful relationships with the people who can really help us achieve our goals.
With a little planning it’s possible to develop a greater understanding of your relationships with those around you and nurture your own success team. A greater awareness of the positive influences around you will give you the confidence to overcome the difficulties caused by the more negative ones.
With spring around the corner it’s time to have a spring clean of the people you know! Start by making a list of all the people in your life you are in regular contact with. Email address books and mobile phone contact lists may be useful here. Now some honesty, real honesty ………. decide which are a help or a hindrance to you by ticking the helpful ones.
Take some time to focus on the positive qualities of the people whose names you have ticked. Are they fun, creative, caring or do they benefit you personally or professionally in some way? The more creative ones are most likely to help you achieve your goals or just be good fun to be around so identify who they are and which of them you regard as your closest allies.
It is these people whose relationships you should nurture if you are to have people around you who support, encourage and understand you. You will come into regular contact with people who try to knock you back with their negativity but being aware of who they are and knowing that they are not part of your wealth team and I don’t mean the rich ones, will allow you to manage them and minimise the impact they have on your life and your feelings.
You cannot change people or their behaviour but you can alter your perception of them and you can choose how they make you feel. You are in control.
Self awareness is at the heart of relationship improvement and our Walk on the Grass online personal change programme will guide you through a series of techniques that will help you to get to know yourself better. Click here to find out more.
Habits Change; So Can You
Wednesday, January 25th, 2012You Need to Know Your Habits if You’re Going to Break Them
Last week I had a call from a friend I hadn’t seen for almost a year. She lives nearby but our lives had been so busy that we hadn’t had chance to meet up. It was so lovely to hear from her that I invited her over at the weekend.
“I can’t do Sunday because that’s when I do the big supermarket shop and clean the house,” she said. “If I don’t get those jobs done on a Sunday the week ahead is chaos!”
Many of us have similar routines and we stick to them because it’s what we do, it’s like a script that an actor has to learn. Once we learn it, that’s what we do and continue to avoid the discomfort associated with changing it. In fact, you’re probably wondering why there’s any need to change your habits at all when they appear to make life easier.
Rethinking mundane routines may seem trivial but the reality is that the more we hold onto old ideas and old ways of doing things the more they creep in and the harder it becomes to break down the barriers and creating new solutions in all areas of our lives.
The New Year often starts off with many of us thinking about breaking habits and doing things differently but although we might think we know what needs to change in our lives to makes us happier or healthier there will be activities we do regularly that we’re not necessarily aware of.
Habits aren’t just vices we’d like to break like a desire to smoke or eat chocolate, they are patterns in our lives that have become so familiar and comfortable that we’re afraid to break them.
To become aware of your habits start by examining your daily and weekly routine. Do you go to the supermarket every Saturday morning and do you always go to the same one? Do you always visit the same restaurant? Do you do certain tasks on the same day each week? It’s only when you really take an honest look at your daily routine that you see how many patterns emerge that are hindering you, your time and your energy.
A simple change of habit such as shopping at a different supermarket can make you really become consciously aware of what you buy and will expose you to different types of products that break the monotony of the same old stuff.
For more ideas on how to break your own self-imposed rules to inspire creativity and make change positive, download a free chapter of my book Walk on the Grass or try my six step online personal change programme.
Healthy Changes Ahead
Wednesday, January 18th, 2012More people start a diet in January than in any other month but being healthy has nothing to do with deprivation and everything to do with happiness. Changing the way you approach your health and lifestyle means you can make a big difference with just a few small changes.
Here are a few more ideas as part of our New Year changes communication to get you started:
Get Out More – A brisk 20 minute walk in your lunch hour or a half hour evening stroll will make a real difference to the way you feel. If you can fit in a daytime walk, so much the better. It’s surprising how many people only see daylight in the fraction of a minute between the front door and the car on their way to and from work.
Eat, drink and be merry – There used to be a saying that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, well it does if your thorw it at them! But seriosuly it is definitely true that the more raw fruit and veg we can squeeze into our diets the more likely we are to feel energised. Combine this philosophy with a determination to drink more water during the day and you’ll soon feel the difference.
Think Positively – A positive attitude has an impact on your health as well as your mind. Take time to think about the things that are going well or the people in your life that you value and you will start to feel more positive about all sorts of things. Another good tip is to try something new. If you’ve always wanted to learn how to paint or play a sport make enquiries about courses or clubs nearby and remember you could also start your own. Plan a weekend trip to a place you’ve always fancied visiting and set a date for the excursion.
Laugh it off – If the winter months are becoming a bit of a drag then laugh off the blues with friends or by visiting a comedy club or watching a favourite TV show that makes you chuckle. Laughing stimulates the levels of health-enhancing hormones including endorphins so it really is healthy to have a good time.
These are just some ideas to help you make this year a happy and healthy one. My online personal change programme will help you discover more ways to make changes that will have an impact on your wellbeing and happiness.
Find out more about the Walk on the Grass Personal Change Programme here
Look Younger With a New Year Makeover
Wednesday, January 11th, 2012
The popularity of TV shows like ’10 Years Younger’ and ‘How To Look Good Naked’ is evidence of the fact that many people would love somebody to come in and change them for the better.
Imagine a stylist weighing up the contents of your wardrobe or the décor in your living room and showing you exactly what to do to make them more vibrant, colourful, fashionable and take years off. Suddenly you feel more confident and energetic.
In the absence of a TV expert or a fairy godmother with a magic wand, why not take stop procrastinating, take control and give yourself a makeover instead, to drop those years away? It’s not as hard as you might think and working through a few exercises to help you understand what makes you feel good will empower you to change your own life without relying on other people to do it for you.
In my book Walk on the Grass I take readers through a series of steps to help them improve self awareness. Similar exercises form part of my online personal change programme.
To find out what inspires you try collecting images that appeal to your senses and identifying colours that attract you. Choose to wear only the clothes in your wardrobe that make you feel good and remove anything that makes you feel drab and dreary – when you dress in what makes you feel good, you’re ready for any opportunity that turns up and it can take years off how you feel about yourself.
And for once, don’t worry about anyone else’s opinion.
Because the only opinion that matters on what you look like is yours. So look good and feel good.
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